They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Personally, I didn’t brlieve in it at first. Quite skeptical about it actually. I felt that absence will make the heart grow weaker. Without the presence of that someone, you tend to forget him/her. But now, I begin to believe every word of it. Not only that it makes mine grow fonder of her, but her absence has created a void in my heart. I truly missed her. Miss her a lot.
And who else to blame but myself. Like a Malay phrase “bodoh tak kena tempat”. I admit that I was being an idiotic guy at the wrong moments of our relationship. And I regret every argument that we ever had. Life does has its ups and downs. And it would be unrealistic that a couple won’t ever fought even once. But the arguments we had were sometimes just plain stupid. And usually its because of me. Haizz..
Im sure most girls would want their boyfriends to make them feel treasured and secure and loved. And I thought mine was an exception case. Thought she was this tough lady who could withstand anything in life. But I was partially right and wrong. She is indeed a tough lady who’s up for any challenge. But the part that I was wrong was that she is still a lady. A lady who wants to feel treasured and secure and loved. And that part was just ignored by me at crucial times. I should have made her feel as though nothing can hurt her with me in her life. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
I should have been supportive of her actions and suggestions. For instance, I should have been more involved during the planning stages of our trip recently. I think back to that time and I wasn’t proud of it. She needed my help at times but I failed to see the signs. Blinded by the fact that she was able to do it all. When the signs show that she needed my assistance. Haizz.
Although it has only been a few days of absence, it felt like months to me. Seriously. No joke. She’s certainly a big part of me now. And without her, I’m not the man I am today. She was there when I fractured my shin, telling me not to give up and supporting me throughout my fights (although she keeps bugging me about my shin pads everytime, I do find it annoying but in a good way. It shows that she cares for me that much. =) ). She was there for me everytime I get shocked in movies (reassuring me that its all fine each time). She makes me believe that I am capable of doing anything in life. Most importantly, she still continues to hold my hand despite of my numerous flaws.
I kept thinking of what if she doesn’t love me anymore. Will it happen? What if she tells me that she had enough of me?
Well I won’t know if she will read my entry. But I got to give it a shot, right?
Well I’m feeling scared now of the idea of losing you. Even now, the idea of it just makes me want to shed some tears. And speaking of tears, I still remember the times when I shed tears for you. And I meant every drop of it. Especially the one where you got me vouchers for my phone even though we fought the day before. And im still touched by it till today.
Your absence has certainly made me think of my past mistakes. And I hope I could make up for all the mistakes that I’ve made to you. I really do….
